A newborn does not remain as a newborn for always. After his birth, he grows continuously, and demands more care and enabled by their parents. It is often seen that the growing kids usually fall into stubborn attitudes. This can create either a gap or closure between parents and their children. But it’s a common behavior also seen a lot that parents enable their child to move forward in their lives. Although it’s encouraging in some perspectives, while in adulthood enabling should be stopped. Have you concerned about this? So, this article will guide you on how to stop enabling your grown child positively.
How enabling differ from helping?
Enabling means that someone else will always fix, solve, or make the consequences go away. When someone is in the throes of an addiction or other grossly dysfunctional behavior pattern, he or she begins to rely on the resources available.
But in the case of parent-children relation, enabling means a supportive approach for the kids that assist them to do everything. Although a toddler can’t do anything for him yet when he starts growing then there should be a space for him to do something for himself.
Enabling is to make something possible, practical, or easy, for someone to do or be, that often perpetuates a problem rather than solves it. On the other hand, helping is a supportive choice that leads to recovery and wellness. That means to just assist someone to get anything that he wants.
What are the prerequisites of enabling your grown child?
When you own a baby, then it’s your responsibility to brood him, look after him, and meet his all expenses. But all of these are limited to a certain time period, not always.
However, at an early age, every child needs enabling. Because he or she does not know that how to walk, bathe, eat or read. So, that’s the age at which your kids require continuous boost up.
A time period between after birth and before getting admission to the school is an ideal time for every kid. They receive more affection from others, especially from their parents. Their parents pamper them. Their all of concerns are associated with their infants. Because they need more enabling at that time when they don’t know how to survive their lives.
Generally, a child has to get admission to the school where he has to spend almost 6 hours. Then after back home, he has to be handled by a tutor. And till night he remains indulging in such a hectic routine. As he is still very young so it’s necessary to enable them for doing their little responsibilities.
Why stop enabling your grown kids?
As your kids come in a growing age, then it should crucially stop enabling them further. Because now they are not so young that can’t move forward on their own. Now they need somehow liberation to work as their own.
Adulthood is actually the age that many productive tasks can be done. At this age, if parents catch the fingers of their children, then they always remain in the inferiority complex that they can’t move forward on their own.
Financial support is necessary but just for a certain time. Although providing food, clothes, and shelter are the basic requirements of life. But it all happens at a certain time.
Inferiority complex, mood swings, shyness/hesitation, or being stressed are some common attitudes that are more seen in growing children. Anyhow, it happens at this age. But the kids have to train to cope up with such circumstances.
When the parents put control over all the matters and decisions in their domestic affairs, then their children always fall in lack of confidence that moves them towards inferiority complex. Because they feel negligence by their parents. Moreover, continuous enabling cannot provoke the minds of a grown child towards thinking assertively.
How to stop enabling your adult children?
Firstly, parents have to recognize that what’s their actual rights and duties as parents. Meanwhile, children have to understand their rights and duties as well. When both sides will fulfill their own responsibilities, then it creates a favorable environment in your home.
Parents are just like a cake mold and their children are like the cake batter. According to the law of chemistry, liquid molds itself as its container. Hence the cake is always baked as per the shape of the mold, either round, rectangular, square, or heart shape. In the same way, children adopt the qualities that they see in their parents.
It’s the law of nature that man’s environment affects him a lot. So it’s the responsibility of the parents to groom their kids productively. Usually, it is seen that the child does not do what he is told, but he does what he sees. So first start the act of grooming by yourself then move to your children…
So do you want to know about how to stop enabling your grown child then here some useful strategies are described positively. You may take a lot of advantages from them.
Fix yourself first to stop enabling your grown child
When the parents move on the right track than their children automatically follow in their footsteps. So you need to fix yourself.
Make yourself as you want to see your child be. Because the process of rectification starts with yourself. For this, the first task is that you have to leave behind all your reprehensible attributes of dealings with others.
If you want that your kids to read the books, then first you have to start reading. In the same way, if you want that your kids don’t tell a lie and always speak the truth then first you have to follow on this. Your children adopt the same qualities as they will see in you. In short, fix yourself before bringing transformation to your child.
Make a strong relationship with children
There must be a strong relationship builds among parents and their grown children. As this relation would strong, as the home becomes a sweet home with a pleasant atmosphere.
Create a friendly environment in your house. It must be ensured to negotiate with your kids even of every age child. Don’t hesitate to apologize if something goes wrong. Because sorry is actually the first step to stop enabling your grown child.
Be kind and humble with your child. Not use abusive language. If you feel that your child is moving in an amiss way, then use a soft tone to explain the pros and cons of that happening.
You have to ensure to spend quality time with your children. Usually, it is seen that if father and mother, both are working bodies, then their children nourish by their maids or servants. It creates a long gap between parents and their children. Parents do not give proper attention to their young ones. And this lack of attention causes kids to far away from their parents.
So, you have to give quality time to brood your children with proper care and considerations. It’s the rule of nature that, as you come close to anyone an emotional attachment is built there. When parents give time for their grown children, then they will receive the same quality time from their offspring when they will become old.
Inspire your growing brooders
Kids are more curious than elders. They want to know everything before time. So that’s an ideal time to inspire your juveniles. Tell them success tales of the more influential and successful people of the world. Their brain cells bring them into an imaginary world, where they will see themselves as them.
Setting boundaries with your adult children can be tough sometimes. So, polish the thinking of your child at an early age. Such practice assists him to stand on his feet. And if he/she comes into the practical life with an inspirational mindset, then he needs no more for enabling by his parents. In this way, he/she can determine the right direction of his life and work hard for that. Thus you may develop a better understanding of how to stop enabling your grown child.
Give somewhat liberty to your children
Give liberty to your kids but in a specific framework. While getting grown, your children need somewhat time to live independently. In which, they may spend time with their friends, buddies, or cousins. They may go for outings with them and hoteling as well. They may go shopping.
But parents must keep an eye on their children’s activities. Because this is the fluttering age of a person. The growing kids might detract due to their bad companies. Therefore, put a deep sight on them is very essential.
Moreover, parents must stop being a helping hand for their kids even in their childhood. Be a sign of supportive but somewhat financial courage may be put on your children as their responsibility. Nothing happens by this. Just your young ones will become responsible and they come to know the worth of money.
Think about the “Value System” to stop enabling your grown adults
Think about the “value system” of your house… Whether you live in a joint family system or separately. You have to be aware of what’s the importance of the value system in a family..? It’s the moral duty of the parents to aware of their kids of their relatives and the nature of their relations with them. Thus they respect and value their relations as per their drift. It’s the best way assume for how to stop enabling your grown child. The actual reason behind that when grown adults come to know about their kith and kin, they become able to handle the worse and pleasant situations. And this behavior helps the kids to be independent.
Follow SOPs of a standard life
You have already heard an aphorism that Discipline is a key to success. Discipline is not only associated with the army or any educational institution, rather it is the primitive feature of lifestyle. Whether you are in any place in the world or do any work. You have to follow a disciplinary path. So living in a house, you have to pursue the actual rules and regulations too. Generally, said that Standard Operating Procedures of living are the more significant tools to improve your living standards. And when you set some rules and etiquettes of living then your children also follow you in this respect.
SOPs for living better:
Let’s discuss some general Standard Operating Procedures of living at home…
- Early to bed & early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. Are you agree with this well-known proverb? You may adopt a disciplined lifestyle. Because when you rise earlier before the sunshine, then you are more fresh and energetic. Moreover, your whole day becomes productive. So children are automatically awake early in the morning where elders awake earlier.
- Timings of taking meal must also be planned for every day. Make sure that all family members get together at mealtime (breakfast, lunch, and dinner). There must be restrictions on eating alone or eat not with the whole family.
- Every task must be done at its proper time. If you follow the set timetable for every task, then discipline definitely comes into your routine. Like, if your school-going children complete their homework on time, then they get enough time for recreation and sleep.
- The beauty of life is in order. If everything in the house is kept in its ordered form, then it will help to beautify your life. Like books must be kept on their shelves, not to be spread everywhere. Your wardrobes, cabinets, draws must be cleaned and filled with the stuff but in an ordered form.
- Watching T.V. must be an effective and guided activity, not just entertainment. It improves your thinking pattern. So, be careful in this regard.
6 Steps of SANITY
If you want to see your children as independent, then you must stop further enabling them. For this, you have already understood a lot of parameters as above. But here are some steps of SANITY (an acronym of some specific terms) that help you in how to stop enabling your grown child.
Stop… repeating the same behavior, the flow of money, making excuses, fear, and guilt, fixing everything
Assemble… supportive people. You’re not alone
Nip… excuses in the bud
Implement… a plan of action, rules, and boundaries. Do something. Put it in a writing
Trust… the voice of the spirit. Trust your instincts
Yield… everything to God
Spending a successful and influential life is not related to how much money have you? Rather it belongs to how much humanity there is in you? So teach your children the best dealing strategies with others in their childhood and thus focus on how to stop enabling your grown child positively.
Is it okay to stop enabling the grown adults?
Yes, it’s okay because those chicks survive more who hatch the eggs themselves.
What’s the ideal age to stop enabling the children?
Teenage is assumed as the best age to own responsibilities and stop becoming parasites.
Do parents should utterly leave their kids in their childhood?
No, they should never leave utterly independent their kids in their childhood, because they don’t well-known about the experiences of life as their parents.